Thursday, March 27, 2014

I can't get up without a heart

Is it that wall you’ve built around yourself? I’ve seen that wall. I know that wall so well, and I’ve been pacing outside it for so long. I know every bump, every chip, every hard spot and soft spot. I know where it’s weak and where it’s strong. I know what parts are carefully cleaned and maintained, and what parts are neglected. I know what parts are thicker than others, and what spots are higher than others. I know where others have broken through, because the patch job is a complete mess. I know the spots where you’ve sat on top of that wall and talked to me, telling me about what’s on the other side, and what the wall is made of. And occasionally, while you’ve been distracted, I’ve climbed and I’ve stood on my tip toes to be able to see over the top of that wall for myself. I’ve seen what’s on the other side. I’ve sat there looking at all of it, wishing you would let me into your little kingdom. There are a lot of things on the other side of that wall, not all good but not all bad… and I love them all. I love every single last bit of what’s there. And, whether you know it or not, at some point I accidentally dropped a big chunk of my heart on the other side. It slipped out of my fingers while I was falling in love with you, and you weren’t there to catch it. It’s bruised from falling, and I can feel it hurting. But it’s yours now, and I can’t get it back. 

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