Bucket lists and vineyards

Alright, so I mentioned a while back that I had created a summer bucket list. I made this list back in April, and I realize it's a lot of things and I probably won't get them all done. That's okay. It'll keep my busy and having fun. That's all I want. Some of the things I've never done, some of them I have. So here it is:

Hannah's Summer Bucket List

• Lagoon
• Ross Park Pool
• Museum of Idaho (They have a guitar exhibit for the summer featuring a 43.5 foot long x 16 foot wide guitar!)
• The Living Planet Aquarium in SLC
• River rafting
• Do open mic night at a coffee shop
• Go camping/fishing/boating/shooting (All of these things are amazing and good. Whether they happen in the same trip or not is not important, though possible)
• Go to a zoo
• Lava Hot Springs
• Monkey Rock  
• Drive in movie (check)
• Go caving (check)
• Do 21 "Random Acts of Kindness" for my birthday

If you're interested, here is my formal bucket list which I created when I was about 17. Some of them are pretty typical, but I will tell you right now that skydiving is not on list list. That would be on the informal bucket list for my life. The informal bucket list includes things such as eating a burger at Big Judd's, doing the splits, and hiking R mountain; things that I will get half way through and think, "This is really stupid and will not make me feel accomplished in any way," even if I have always secretly wanted to do them. Anyway, here's the official one:

Official Life Bucket List

• Light a big firework (Like, a BIG one)
• Visit all 50 states
• Be kissed in the pouring rain
• Tour Europe
• Be married to my best friend in the temple
• Go skinny dipping
• Stand on the Golden Gate Bridge (or just drive across...either way)
• Go on a train ride
• See the Northern Lights
• Go to a concert
• Ride in a hot air balloon (and if my future husband proposes inside one, that would be great too)
• Go rock climbing
• Go hang gliding
• Learn to play the accordion
• Go to an NBA game
• Play "Clair de Lune" perfectly
• See Niagara Falls
• Read the Harry Potter series 
• Shoot a crossbow
• Ride in a submarine
• Have some sort of crazy pet (like a fox)
• Give a flower to someone I don't know
• Visit Australia
• Have lots of kids
• Make a full wig (donate my hair at least 5 times)
• Make a kite that works
• Pet a lion
• Go white water rafting
• Visit a real castle
• Pay for a car behind me at a toll booth
• Read the entire Standard Works
• Dance in the moonlight
• Have a rose garden
• Be in a flash mob
• Swim with dolphins (check)
• Have dance lessons (check)
• Sleep in a boat (check)
• Swim in the ocean (check)
• Go to Walt Disney World (check)
• Get a professional massage (check)
• Drive/ride a motorcycle (check)
• Ride in a helicopter (check)

So, basically, I've got a lot to do! However, this is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. Check lists. If you've never read the talk by Dallin H. Oaks called "The Challenge to Become", read it. At the beginning of the summer, I felt the need to make a new and improved me. This meant getting down to the very deepest parts of my foundation and repairing the parts that were starting to break down. I made a daily check list (because I really love checking things off) including things like read scriptures, morning and evening prayers, keep my room clean, write in my journal, and work out every day. I've done pretty well on most of the things, but it's not like I've been able to check every single one off every single day, and I was starting to get down on myself for that. Then I read this talk, and my eyes were opened. While what we do defines what we ultimately become, life is not meant to be a check list. The gospel is not a check list where we complete something and move on; rather, it is a constant battle for becoming who the Lord would have us be. Therefore, when we sit before the Lord to be judged, it is not what we have done, but who we have become, that will determine our fate. 

It goes back to the parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard given in Matthew 20:1-16. Jesus describes a "householder" who hires men to work for him in his vineyard. The laborers who he found in the morning agreed to work for him and receive a penny per day for payment. Clearly they were desperate; who works for a penny per day?! Just kidding. But really. In any case, these men began their work, and the owner of the vineyard continued throughout the day to hire on new laborers, who also agreed to receive a penny per day for their work. He went out in the third, the sixth, the ninth, and the eleventh hour, each time hiring on new employees. At the twelfth hour, he asked his steward to pay the workers, beginning with those who didn't start until the eleventh hour. When those who began work in the morning learned that those who had only worked for an hour received the same payment as they did, they were furious. I mean, wouldn't you be? They complained, saying, "These last have wrought but one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day." The owner of the vineyard replied, "Friend, I do thee no wrong: didst not thou agree with me for a penny?" 

So, in the end, even those who maybe haven't accomplished as much or worked as hard as the others can receive the same payment so long as they become a "laborer" of the Lord. It is all dependent on what we become. I'm trying really hard to become something great here, and while daily scripture study, prayer, and journal writing are good things and undoubtedly crucial to becoming the woman the Lord would have me be, there is no need for a check list. What I become is so much deeper than a list. It is beauty, love, kindness, respect, charity, humility, patience, hope, trust, and faith. It is emulating the life of my Savior and becoming like him. It is the ultimate bucket list item :)

Yours Truly

Lead Kindly Light

Lately I've had some really crazy sleep patterns. Not really sure why, but this morning I was wide awake and bushy-tailed at 5:30. That's pretty crazy early to get up on a Sunday morning when you have absolutely no reason to. But there I was. 

I love driving. I love to just get in a car... and go. Go somewhere I've never been, and not know where I'm going. It's liberating not to have to know. So that's what I did. Still wearing my pajamas, I slipped on some flip flops, grabbed my keys, and out the door I went. I decided to go toward the sunrise. 

Pocatello is great for the fact that if you just pick a road and go, eventually you'll end up driving through hills and valleys which are absolutely gorgeous. I love it. As I drove, my main goal was to be in the beautiful new streams of sunlight; however, I was surrounded by hills and the sun wasn't quite high enough yet to come out over the top of their shadows. I could always see pure sunlight in the distance, and I would think, "Not too much farther." But I would just catch a bit of it and then it was right back into the shadows. 

I started thinking that I just needed to get higher, and pretty soon I came upon a side road (gravel) which had a steep incline. Perfect! So, thinking I would be a little adventurous and do some off-roading, I laid into the gas and felt pretty hardcore as I went up this hill. Pretty soon I made it to the top, and, to my disappointment, found that I had just traveled up a very steep and treacherous gravel driveway. Sitting before me was an extremely run-down, old house surrounded by junk and rusty old vehicles. I fully expected an old, bearded man with three teeth to come out wearing a wife-beater and overalls, lift up a shotgun and yell, "Get off my property!" 

I quickly turned around and went back to the main road. 

As the road went on, it became very windy with sharp turns, and I couldn't always see where I was going. My patience and perseverance was soon rewarded though, and before long I had broken out of the shadows into beautiful, golden sunlight. I drove until I found a place I could pull off the road, and taking a blanket from the back of my car, climbed up the window shield to take a perch and soak it all in. The birds were singing, horses were in the pasture, dew glistened on the long grass, and it was just me and my thoughts. It was beautiful. I'm not sure where I was, but I could totally live there someday.

In a few hours I would be singing and playing "Lead Kindly Light" in our sacrament meeting, and as I sat there I realized just how much my little drive resembled the words of that song.

"Lead, kindly Light, amide the encircling gloom, lead Thou me on.
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on.
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not every thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on.
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

So long Thy power hath blessed me, sure it still will lead me on.
O;er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, 
Which I have loved long since, and lost a while.

It is so important to follow the path that our Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, have laid out for us. I know sometimes it feels as though we're stuck in the shadows, and the road is windy, and we can't see where we're going... but that's okay. The reward is so great! And we'll get there someday! We just have to trust that when we get there, it will be more beautiful than would could have imagined, and we'll think, "Yeah, I could totally live here." 

Most importantly, we must not leave the path. Even thought it may seem more adventurous and you think it will get you to what you want faster, you may just find a dirty, beaten up house which potentially could have an old toothless man with a shotgun inside. 

The Lord's plan for us is so, so much sweeter and more rewarding than anything we could ever plan for ourselves. No matter what, if we love and stay true to the gospel, we will always be where we are meant to be. Whatever plan you had for yourself or wherever you think you were supposed to be right now, throw it out the window. If you are living up to your divine potential and working hard to become what the Savior would have you be, you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. 

"When walking through the 'valley of the shadows,' always remember that a shadow is cast by a light." 
-H. K. Barclay

Never hesitate to trust the Lord. He knows what He's doing. Lead, kindly light.

Yours Truly

The most beautiful lady

I have said on many occasions that my mom is my angel, my hero, and my best friend; she is everything I want to be when I grow up. Every now and then I do something that makes me realize how much I’ve become like her, and in that moment I smile and give a mental fist pump to the air because I am that much closer to achieving one of my greatest goals. Throughout my entire life I have watched my mother live a life of service, hard work, patience, compassion, joy, hope, and love.

My mom is one of nine children, and each one played a special part in the family business of Pierre’s Playhouse. This was a magical place of melodrama theater where villains wore capes, top hats, and swirly mustaches as they pursued the favor of the heroine and any riches or power to be acquired. These plans were always thwarted by the never failing, dashing and handsome hero, who would save the damsel and sweep her off her feet. All of this ensued, garnished with the music of the red player piano, the boo’s, ahh’s, and cheers of the audience, popcorn and soft drinks, extravagant costumes, and a little girl who would give anything to be just like the heroine in those plays. I was the little girl, and my mom was that heroine. These are my first memories of wanting to be just like her.


As I grew, I witnessed countless occasions where my mother continued to be a real life heroine. Not the helpless damsel in distress, but a strong and passionate woman who was continuously coming to the rescue of others. Her life is a pure example of selflessness as she home schooled me and my siblings, did humanitarian aid, took in the poor and the needy, fulfilled hours upon hours of service in her church callings, engaged in all night sessions of helping me write my English papers, gave her unfailing support and dedication to my dad in all circumstances, gave ride after ride to band, piano lessons, t-ball, soccer, violin lesson, softball, gymnastics, etc., completely dedicated herself to my care in my battle of cancer, and brought us closer to our Heavenly Father as she created an atmosphere in our home where the Spirit could always be felt. The list of her amazing qualities and good deeds is endless, and I could not hope to number them all. I am in constant awe that my Father in Heaven would allow me the privilege of having such a mother to look up to and emulate. I owe most of what I have become to her.

As the day of my college graduation from ISU arrived and my parents were on their way into town, I took my time getting ready for the big day. As I was finishing, I put on my earrings, applied some lipstick, and “fixed” my hair for the hundredth time, then found myself trying to decide which perfume to wear. I have several different kinds, none of which really smell similar. Usually it just depends on my mood or the occasion as to which one I wear, if I wear any at all. It didn't take long before I was reaching for one of my favorites, and the thought that ran through my head was, “I want to smell like Mom today.” I hadn't really thought of that perfume smelling like my mom before, but that’s when it struck me that maybe that’s why it’s one of my favorites.

This picture hangs in the Dental Hygiene building
here at ISU. Sometimes I go look at it when I miss her.

                                 
My parents got there just a few minutes before the graduation ceremony started, leaving me in a little bit of a panic since they were bringing my cap and gown – the same cap and gown my mom wore when she graduated from ISU all those years ago. I stood on the curb as they drove up, waving my arms and twirling in my red, polka-dotted dress so that they would see me. As my mom saw me her hand flew to her mouth and she began to cry. She got out of the car and we just held each other, both crying. Without much time to spare, out came the graduation cap and gown, which she and my dad helped me put on. Maybe I’m too sentimental, but the fact that I was wearing the same cap and gown my mom did and graduating from the same college really struck a chord with me. Could my dream of becoming just like her be coming true? Was I finally becoming a heroine?

I love my mom. I think she is amazing, and everyone else should too. That’s sort of the entire message of this little monologue, in case you didn't catch that. There are several women in my life who I look up to, love, and respect, but none are as beautiful as my mother. She is an extraordinary example and radiant beacon of light to everyone around her, though she would never claim the praise and admiration she is so deserving of.
I love her, and I hope to be a real life heroine, just like her. She is the most beautiful lady in all the world. 

Yours Truly