Well, this Wednesday my best friend left to serve an 18 month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Nevada, Las Vegas Mission. I haven't really been able to dwell on it much without bursting into tears. It's just hard to imaging going that long without talking to her, laughing with her, or singing together. But, for as much as I already miss her and don't know what I'll do without my Julie, I have to ask myself, "What will the people of the Las Vegas Mission do without my Julie?" (...and here come the water works). She is one of the strongest, most insightful, beautiful, and inspirational people I know, and I am so, so proud of her for following her heart and the Spirit's promptings as she goes to serve the Lord and change lives through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
This brings me to my problem. I'm incredibly jealous. Julie is not my only friend to be serving a mission; in fact, I could easily name several of my lady friends who have left or who are preparing to leave on full time missions, and I'm so proud of all of them. My little sister is among them, and you have no idea how much that kills me. As much as I would LOVE to serve a mission, I just don't feel like that's what I'm supposed to do. When I was little, I was completely set on it. I wanted to go to Spain. Then, as I grew up and realized that my life plan couldn't be set in stone and that I needed to be a little more flexible, I decided to just wait and see what life was like for me when I got to be 21. If at that point I wasn't married and felt that going on a mission was in the Lord's plan for me, then I would go. This being said, as I got to about 17 or 18 years old, I just somehow knew that going on a mission would not be in the cards for me. It hurt a little bit, but I found comfort in trusting that I would have a different mission to fulfill for the Lord. Of course, I naturally assumed that this mission would have something to do with marriage and children.
Now, here I am. I know I'm still young and have time, but I'm nowhere close to being married. I'm almost 21, and yet that is now irrelevant considering the age for sister missionaries was lowered to 19. I'm in a master's program, ultimately, for a back-up plan since all I want to do is be a wife and mother and build the Lord's kingdom. And I'm watching all of my friends either go on missions or be married in the temple. Honestly, I can't help feeling a little left behind, and I occasionally look toward heaven just to ask, "Why not me?" It especially burns that my little sister will get to go. When we were little and shared a queen sized bed, it would infuriate me if I even woke up in the morning to find that she had woken up before me...so you can see where I'm coming from, right? Needless to say, I'm having a bit of a hard time with it all.
So, there's my rant. I'm not sure I've come to any conclusion about it, other than I must be here for a reason. As long as I'm keeping the commandments and doing what the Lord wants me to do, I'm fulfilling some mission, whether I realize it or not. Maybe one day I'll look back and say, "Oh, that's why I was supposed to be in Pocatello, ID." And you never know, something might be right around the corner. In any case, I'm slowly coming to find that no matter where I am, I can always be building the Lord's kingdom.
Yours Truly
As many of you know, this blog has thus far been used mainly for scholarly purposes. I did it for a class, however, I tried my best to keep it fresh. I'm not here to bore anyone. I actually love writing, which is why I have decided to continue the blog, but to venture away from the scholarly aspect of it and write more about real life. I'm better at that anyway.
This summer will be a summer of new experiences. I've created a summer bucket list, and I fully intend to check off the majority of my goals. I've also resolved to enhance my spirituality, physical health, cleanliness, and social life. Each one of these aspects of my life became severely neglected throughout the course of the past school year, and I'm not okay with that. It's time to rejuvenate, figure out what I want, and make a new me.
Let's start with today.
This morning I awoke to sunlight streaming through my window and into my recently cleaned and reorganized room (part of the "new me" thing). I lay there for a while, appreciating the warmth of my bed and reading the motivational quotes I've posted around my room (also a part of the "new me" thing). I was pondering how great my life is, and as I got up I couldn't help but fall to my knees in gratitude to my Father in Heaven. Confession: typically, I'm really bad at morning prayers. I am usually in a hurry to get somewhere, so I shoot out of bed, get ready, and (if I remember) end up praying while I walk to class or drive to whatever important engagement has caused me to disregard the One I owe everything to. I've often chastised myself for this, but it has seemed to be a never ending pattern... until today. How grateful I am for a God who hears and answers my prayers, even if I am walking to class. However, there is no replacement for fervent, heartfelt communication with my Father before leaving my bedroom and on my knees. The day always becomes undoubtedly more beautiful.
I slipped on a T-shirt and tennis shoes, then went on a long walk. I figured I'd walk to Ross Park and back, which I think would add up to about 3 miles. After getting what I estimated to be about half of a mile, the sidewalk ended. I've come to learn that the best adventures come when the sidewalk ends. I really didn't feel like walking the rest of the way on the side of the road, so I just decided to walk a street over and either walk back or find another route to take. As I began to walk back, I realized I was standing right at the entrance of the cemetery. I went in, thinking I'd just walk around the perimeter of it. I love cemeteries. I think they're so peaceful. Part of one of my favorite dates, actually, was taking a walk through a cemetery. I love looking at the different headstones, calculating out the birth and death dates, and imagining these people's lives. This being said, I should have known I'd get distracted.
My first distraction came as I recognized a trail going off of the main path and into the trees. I had to follow it! I felt like a true explorer as the trees thickened and I went tromping through the forest, unsure whether to be carefree and curious or proceed cautiously ad expect to stumble upon a human body any second. Morbid, I know, but it did cross my mind. Soon the trees began to thin, and looking through them and to the left of me, I saw what I immediately recognized as the stone table! Or, three of them, actually. I thought, "I've crossed over into Narnia!" Dream come true? Maybe. Off the trail and up the hill I hiked, determined to see what these stone tables were doing there. In examining them, I determined them to be remnant of some monument or building originally built as part of Idaho State University. How did I come to this conclusion, you may ask? Well, while I consider myself to be a great detective (maybe stalker is a better term) and pride myself on my ability to uncover even the most hidden facts and expose the deepest mysteries, the marble slabs engraved with the words "University" and "State" may have had something to do with the results of my though process.
At this point, some missionaries came sauntering down a different trail, which connected with the one I was previously on. I waved and said, "Hi, Elders!" They responded and one (the first attractive Pocatello Elder I've seen to date) assumed I was responsible for the stone slabs and asked what I was working on. Now that I think about it, I should have come up with some crazy story to give them. But, alas, I told them I had just stumbled upon them and was wondering what they were there for. We made some comments about Narnia, and they went on their merry way. I ventured on, and after exploring different trails a bit longer, I found my way back to the cemetery. I noticed several people visiting and was somewhat surprised by how many were there. Then it hit me -- Memorial Day weekend. Duh. How convenient was it that I was already in a cemetery and could pay my respects? Awesome.
The rest of my walk was a pretty solemn experience as I read headstones, sat in the morning sunlight, and watched the flags wave in the breeze as families placed flowers in the grass for their loved ones. Maybe I'm a little melodramatic, but I couldn't help but salute the flag as I left the cemetery. I feel so much appreciation for the men and women who have defended our country. Sometimes it feels as though there isn't much left to defend, but then my heart swells with love for this land and the rich history which has brought us to where we are now. I think of our founding fathers, and though I'm not sure they'd be entirely proud of what America has become, I hope they'd be proud of the faithful Americans who have stood and still stand for the values America was built upon. Those of us who still strive to be one nation under God, who treat our neighbors with respect, acknowledge our God-given rights, and fight for what is right. I'm not a patriotic zealot, but I do uphold and believe in a nation where hope resides and unity abounds as we support life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
God bless the USA, and all those who have fought to protect this beautiful land.
Yours Truly
Well, this Wednesday my best friend left to serve an 18 month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Nevada, Las Vegas Mission. I haven't really been able to dwell on it much without bursting into tears. It's just hard to imaging going that long without talking to her, laughing with her, or singing together. But, for as much as I already miss her and don't know what I'll do without my Julie, I have to ask myself, "What will the people of the Las Vegas Mission do without my Julie?" (...and here come the water works). She is one of the strongest, most insightful, beautiful, and inspirational people I know, and I am so, so proud of her for following her heart and the Spirit's promptings as she goes to serve the Lord and change lives through the gospel of Jesus Christ. 