Go with the flow

Well, Wednesday night I went to Angela's house for more instruction only to find out I'd messed up somehow (I think I put more stitches in there than I was supposed to), and my monster is going to be somewhat skewed. We were able to figure it out, adjust the pattern, and she showed me a new stitch that I needed to know to continue my project. Then she wrote down instructions for me to take home in order to do the next few rows. I came home and had them done in no time, but it really doesn't look all that different than it did before. It's just a little bit bigger. My next step is learning to do the legs/feet, which Angela said are the most tricky part. Can't wait!



Now, for the meat of the matter: FLOW. Have I ever been in flow? I believe so. One of my favorite things to do is play the piano withouth reading music. I just play, letting my fingers take control; as the notes come together even I am a little awed at the way my fingers just know where to go. The sad thing is sometimes I play something so beautiful, but I can't reproduce it because I don't remember what I played. The feeling that comes when I do this...I just play a melody constructed by my fingers right there in that moment...I can't imagine flow feeling any other way. There are no distractions; it's just me and the piano. As my fingers fly across the keys, I have to be aware of what chords I'm playing and what key I'm in so I know where to go next, but it just happens. I don't have to think about it very hard. People watching me or listening isn't a big deal to me since I have confidence in my abilities, and because of that confidence I feel in control over what happens next. An hour or two can easily pass without my knowledge. Only the aching in my back from sitting without back support for so long indicates that perhaps I've been playing longer than time permits. I don't really play to get better (even though I really should...I just haven't taken the time to challenge myself in a while); piano is my outlet for every emotion. The world makes sense, and everything that doesn't make sense doesn't matter anymore.

Like I said, when Angela gave me the instructions for the next few steps of making my little monster, I had it done in no time. I was a little surprised at how fast I was able to get it done, and how easily it came. Since I had done a little more with her watching me, I was pretty confident in what I was doing. Crocheting is proving to not be too challenging for me anymore since what I'm doing now has become more simple for me, and I don't really have to think about it too much. However, there is always more to learn. That's the nice thing about crochet, I think. What I'm doing now is quite simple compared to the endless other options for projects I hope to pursue, so even though I may get comfortable with it there is always the option to stretch myself just a little more. This being said, I think it would be easy for me to find flow in this occupation at some point...perhaps when I'm doing it just for the pure intrinsic value of it and not for a class. 

It is said that those with an autotelic personality spend more time in flow (Nakamura, J., & Csikszentmichalyi, M., 2002). Autotelic, meaning, rewarding in and of itself. People who have autotelic personalities do things for the sake of doing them, have a curiosity about life, are persistent, and have low self-centeredness. They are open to new challenges, and live ready to engage and persist in high-challenge activities. These characteristics help to maximize their time spent in flow. So, here's the thing... I consider myself to have many of these characteristics, but I would honestly say I haven't spent all that much time in flow throughout my life. I'm always looking for something more, and it has only been in the last few years that I've learned to be more content with where I am in life. But when I was younger, I couldn't wait to grow up. By the time I was twelve I had a list written up which planned out my life's monumental events by age up until I was twenty five. It went something like:

13: Allowed to shave my legs
14: I can go to dances and wear make-up
15: I'll get my permit
16: Driver's licence, start college, and allowed to date
17: (This was a bummer year. Didn't really have anything planned.)
18: Move out and go to BYUI

...and so on and so forth. There was always something more...something better...to look forward to. And I just couldn't wait to get there. I think I'm just a very goal driven individual, but that made it so that I was never content (this would be how I got to be in a master's program by twenty years old). When I was sixteen and diagnosed with non-Hodgkins T-cell Lymphoblastic Lymphoma, life decided to teach me a few things. This included learning to be happy with what I have when I have it. Since then, I think it's been easier for me to find flow in the things I do. However, it's still hard for me to be perfectly content, and I continuously have to have a future goal in mind. Occasionally I allow myself to be lost in a moment, not caring what happens next...just like when I play my piano. Maybe that's normal? I don't really know. This influences my occupations because I am always looking for ways to get what I want faster, and I choose occupations that will help me get there. 

Maybe it's a problem. Maybe not. I guess the whole "go with the flow" thing may just be a never ending search. 

I'll let you know if I find it.


References
Nakamura, J., & Csikszentmichalyi, M. (2002). The concept of flow. In C.R. Snyder & S. J. Lopeses (Eds.), Handbook of positive psychology (pp. 89-105). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Spaces and places

This week my occupation of crocheting was a bit of a failure. My yarn and hook are currently in my car, as I have carried them around most of the week hoping for a chance to make it over to my friend's house so she could show me the next step. And basically... it didn't happen. We talked a few times on the phone trying to work out a time, but things kept getting in the way. Such is life, I guess. And I suppose it just goes to show that this occupation is just like any other. If it isn't essential for my day to carry on, sometimes it just gets pushed to the side. 

Now for the focus of the week: how do spaces become places? What is the difference? Well, anywhere can be a space, but a space does not become a place until it becomes a "container of experiences" (Hasselkus, 2011, p. 41). Because of this, every place is a space, but not every space is a place (say that five times fast). In my experience, a special place to me is my grandmother's melodrama theater and dutch oven restaurant in Victor, ID. Every summer was full of magic. We would live with my grandma and spend the weekends down in the restaurant as my mother and aunts prepared for the crowds of people who would come from miles around to taste the delicious barbecue chicken, dutch oven potatoes, salad, and scones. For my cousins and I, it was a marvelous playground. The sawdust floor, wooden walls decorated with emblems of the West, and old picnic tables gave the restaurant a unique feel. As the evening came the crowds would file in, filling the air with laughter and anticipation. As a young teenager I began waitressing and dishwashing, caught up in the hustle and bustle of the magic. After the meal was done, everyone would move into the theater. Red carpet, an old popcorn machine, red velvet drapes, an old player piano, cherubim, the characteristic masks of melodrama, and actors and actresses dressed in the most elegant and beautiful costumes set the mood for the theater. 

I used to sit back stage and watch the cast get ready as they put on their stage make-up and wigs, the heroine placing a feather in her hair and the villain donning his cape and wheeling his cane. My mother was typically the heroine, and all I ever wanted was to grow up and be just like her, extracting ooo's and ahhh's from the audience. At four years old I experienced my first crush - on the hero. I was convinced he loved me too and would wait for me to grow up. And on my twelfth birthday, yet again crushing on the hero (a different one this time), he gave me a kiss on the cheek, as receiving a peck from the hero was tradition for all of the birthday girls in the audience. For a long time I counted that as my first kiss :)

In the fall time, even though the plays were done, the dutch oven restaurant was still used by the aunts to can everything from meats to peaches, and then make as much huckleberry jam as possible. As they canned, my cousins and I would sit on a mattress in the back watching Disney movies and eating TV dinners. 

All of these experiences, and so many more, turned this space into a place for me. It's hard for me to imagine my life without it, and it holds a piece of my heart. That is a place. When I think of crocheting, I think of my couch. Probably because that is where I have done most of the work this far. The couch is a space that is becoming a place. However, when I think of the couch, I do not think of crocheting. My first when I think of my couch is playing my guitar or sleeping. Those are the occupations I connect with that space. So maybe a space can be multiple places even to one person, just in different degrees.

Whatever the case, I'm very grateful for the places I have experienced in my life. I would hope we would go throughout our days with the goal of making every space a place through the meaning we attach to the things we experience. 

References
Hasselkus, B.R., (2011). The meaning of every day occupation. Thorofare, NF: SLACK.

Spirituality: The corpus callosum of the soul?

In considering the concept of spirituality and occupation, I am a little daunted by the topic. It's nice to talk about in an abstract sense, but in trying to apply it to myself it seems to be a much harder thing to grasp. Sure, engaging in occupation makes me feel good, accomplished, purposeful, and happy... but spiritual? That's something I'd never considered before. Perhaps it is related to the fact that spirituality has always been connected to religion in my mind, so of course I've thought of the religious things I do as being spiritual, but everything else? Not so much. I probably would have described everything else I do as more temporal. This being said, it seems that if I attach the word spiritual to the words "understanding," and "meaning," it becomes easier to see how the occupations I do on a daily basis could contribute to my spirituality. Something I do that enriches my spirituality is walking through nature or taking a long drive. I love spending time outside and isolating myself from the rest of the world. Yesterday, for example, after work I decided to just take a drive. I don't know the outskirts of Pocatello all that well yet, so I didn't really know where I was going. I just took off up into the mountains and ended up at a place called Mink Creek. Probably my new favorite place. It's when I do this that I'm able to center myself a little bit more and remember that I matter, what I'm doing matters, and nothing should make me feel otherwise. 

In my new occupation of chrocheting, I haven't quite reached that point of spirituality that I might in other occupations, such as going into nature. I think it takes reaching a level of satisfaction with what you find out about yourself in doing an occupation to make it spiritually uplifting. I hope as I continue crocheting I may reach that point and that it will facilitate new understanding and perhaps create a new way of enriching my spirituality.

In the "Occupational Therapy Practice Framework: Domain and Process (2nd ed.)," the topic of spirituality is defined as "The personal quest for understanding answers to ultimate questions about life, about meaning,  and about relationship with the sacred or transcendent, which  may (or may not) lead to or arise from the development of religious rituals and the formation of the community." Occupational therapists claim six aspects of domain within their practice, including: areas of occupation, client factors, performance skills, performance patterns, context and environment, and activity demands. Previously, spirituality was placed in the "context and environment" category of an occupational therapist's realm of influence; however, spirituality has been moved to the "client factors" section, along with values and beliefs. Interesting, huh?
The benefit of including spirituality in the framework is the impact it may have as the practitioner reflects upon the client's understanding of meaning and sense of self. Often spirituality is seen as a part of the individual and not just something people surround themselves with. It is more than religion, or event a mere appreciation for the things we don't understand about life. It is inextricably connected to the very heart and core of a person's soul and serves as the single connection between all meaning in that individual's life. If an occupational therapist can understand just how great this concept is, and even attempt to reach it, the understanding to be gained will be greater than any scholarly article can possibly give. 

Yours Truly

References
American Occupational Therapy Association (2008). Occupational Therapy Practice Framework: Domain and process (2nd ed.). American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 62, 625-683.

"Doing" might be as far as I get

So, I've been asked to reflect on the emotions surrounding my participation in the art of crochet. I believe in order to do this, I need to give a little background on what the past week has been like, and just maybe put into words what most of us are all feeling. If this happens to come off as a rant, ignore that. This is just occupational science at its finest.

Being in a master's program is supposed to be hard. I get that. Anything worth doing is usually going to push your limits and make you leave your comfort zone. As I once heard, there is no room for growth in a comfort zone, and there is no room for comfort in a growth zone. However, I would venture to say that it gets a little out of hand when:

• You can't remember for sure the last time you showered, but you know it's been at least two days.
• You're laundry pile is nearly sky high.
• You've been sleeping on the couch for the past week and a half because you don't have time to clean off your bed.
• The stack of dishes gets out of control and you have to make time to do just a couple every day, hoping the stack will get smaller.
• Shaving your legs becomes a luxury.
• You forget to eat because you don't have the time to make anything, and you're not really sure what groceries you have anyway since you never look at them anymore.

Are you getting my point? Oh and throw sleep deprivation in there somewhere too. So, let's leave the self-care aspect of this out for a moment and just consider those extra things that add meaning to our lives. 

Mine would be piano. I LOVE playing the piano. I don't even remember the last time I just sat and played a piano, or my guitar, and if you asked me to define myself, piano player used to be the very first thing that came to mind. Because don't we often define ourselves by the things we do? What happens when you can't do those things anymore? And how am I supposed to feel like a person who understands meaning, despite the endless amount of articles I continuously read on the subject, if I'm not even sure where the meaning in my own life is anymore? Or is that the point of occupational therapy school? Let's just drain the meaning from my life so I can better relate to patients and clients I will someday treat who aren't sure where the meaning in their lives is anymore either. 

I swear, I just might need to see an occupational therapist.

Okay. I'm done. I guess I could sum that all up by just saying, "I'm kind of a wreck and I've been really busy," but "busy" isn't emotion. Busy drains the emotion from your day. Meaningful occupation is what feeds emotion; it's what makes all the "busy work" worth it. That's where crocheting comes in! Or whatever little occupation feeds your soul and just makes life better. 

This week I continued working on my monster, and honestly I've been busy enough that I was fighting to even just get one more row stitched before going to bed at night. I felt like that was all I could allow myself to do. However, I did take it with me while I was babysitting one night, and after putting the kids to bed I was able to just crochet my heart away while watching an episode of Monk. That was nice. At this point I've done as much as my friend, Angela, has told me to do, so I just need to go to her for more instruction. It doesn't resemble a monster at all yet, but it's still looking pretty spiffy, if I do say so myself. 

I know I've been throwing the word "occupation" around a lot, and most people think of it as a job. While that is partly true, let me try to clear up how occupational therapists define the word, and everything might make a little more sense. Actually, the definition isn't even that clear within the field of occupational therapy, however, Hasselkus (2011) makes an effort to bring the varying definitions together and clear up the confusion. My favorite definition refers to occupation as anything we do to occupy our time. It's short, it's sweet, it makes sense. Another definition that I like states that occupation is "engagement in self-initiated, self-directed, adaptive, purposeful, culturally relevant, organized activity." Other definitions follow the same thread, but add in that occupation is something you do daily. I would argue that the first two definitions are more correct due to the fact that something you do occasionally, in my opinion, is just as much an occupation as something you do daily. The daily occupations become a central focus in the occupational therapy profession, but do I really crochet every day? No. Do I clean my bathroom every day? No. Do I do laundry every day? No. But those things are just as much an occupation as brushing my teeth, sleeping, walking... etc. Therefore, those definitions which define an occupation as a daily activity would not, in my opinion, be correct. That being said, perhaps there are some people who clean their bathroom every single day, making it a daily occupation; and there are those people who brush their teeth once a week. Gross. I suppose it just varies person to person. 

Hasselkus (2011) also points out the themes identified as those which facilitate survival and health. The formula is as follows: doing + being, becoming, belonging = survival and health. And how does this apply to crocheting? I'm not really sure yet. I'm doing... but I feel the being, becoming, and belonging part is lacking. And really, I'm not sure how crocheting is going to make my endeavor for survival and health any easier, but, I can easily see how for someone else who maybe relies on it for leisure, income, stress relief, or as part of a social network would be able to advance to that part of the calculation. Maybe someday I'll get there.

Right now I'm too busy trying to figure out how to turn "busy work" into "meaningful occupation."

Yours Truly 

References

Hasselkus, B.R. (2011). The meaning of every day occupation. Thorofare, NF: SLACK.