Just because you're married...

A few years ago, my dad called me to catch up on life. I was being a great multi-tasker and doing my laundry during our phone conversation, when, out of the blue, my dad asked me if my patriarchal blessing says anything about me getting married. I thought, "Why is he asking me this? He was there when I got it...but ok..." and I answered the question anyway. 

"Yes, it says I'll be married in the temple." 

"Does it say anything about your children?"

At this point I was pretty puzzled, but still answered without question, "Yes, it says I'll be a mother in Zion."

After a little pause, my dad asked another question. "Does it say anything about when?" 

What? Being straight up taken aback by his questions, I stood up straight from putting my clothes in the dryer and answered, "Nooo...why?"

"Well, I was just wondering when I'm going to get to be a grandpa." 

Really, Dad? He was only 45 at the time. And worse yet, I was only 19. 

On another occasion, I was speaking on the phone to my little 12 year old sister. She informed me that my family had been talking and had agreed that I need to hurry up and get married so that I can have a baby for them to play with. I said I'd try my best. 

I don't recall a single occasion since I've left home where I've talked with a bishop and not been asked if I'm dating someone, even if he wasn't my bishop. And it's not just clergymen either. We could easily expand this to pretty much any adult who ever cared for my eternal well-being. Ever. 

My married friends have made it their goal in life to find my future spouse for me. Whether this is purely for my happiness or so they can claim the glory for my "happily ever after" is yet to be determined. 

Do you feel me? And thus we see the tremendous amount of pressure a young, Mormon girl feels to get married and start a family. It's just like the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. We go to Mormon school (seminary, BYU, etc.), we marry a Mormon boy, and we make Mormon babies. Good thing free agency is in there somewhere. 

This might sound like I'm complaining and hating on marriage. Or it might sound like I'm repulsed by the Mormon culture I am so intricately a part of. This is not true in the slightest. I do want to get married and start a family. I want it more than anything in all existence, actually. I firmly believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and that the only way to reach our fullest potential is through those sealing covenants made in the House of the Lord and as we raise families of our own. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I want it badly. For more about my beliefs on the institution of marriage, click here and here.


This being said, don't you all think I'm trying? This isn't me hating on marriage, eternal growth, families, men, covenants, or any of that. This is me resenting the constant push and pull by everyone who has ever asked me about my love life, which happens to be non-existent, by the way. Maybe that's where the bitterness lies. In any case, I don't think it's fair that the battle for love which I - or any of us single people - face as we go day to day fulfilling our callings, attending every YSA event, flirting with the one's we're interested in, and never saying no to a date should be so heavily scrutinized by anyone else just because they have already found the love of their life and I haven't. And I'm only twenty-one! I can only imagine the intensity of the resentment which my peers experience who are in their mid or - heaven forbid - late twenty's and are still single. 

I know how beautiful it is to be a part of a family. And I can see how amazing it is to be the creator of that family. I'm surrounded by it, all of the time. It almost taunts me. The majority of my friends are married, and most have children. Believe me when I say I can see it, I can feel it, and I want it. One of my classmates just had a baby last week, and I got to see him today. The aura of perfection which surrounds him is practically overwhelming, and my heart literally hurts in its longing for my own babies. I want to know them. I want to feel their perfection and be consumed by it. 

I appreciate and love the people in my life. I really and truly am so grateful for everyone I surround myself with on a daily basis, because I know they care about me deeply and want the very best for me. I'm grateful for my family, my bishop, and my married friends who are all genuinely interested in my eternal welfare. I'm grateful to have such amazing examples of wonderful, eternal marriages to look up to and strive for. I'm grateful to believe in such a thing as a happy marriage. I'm grateful for the boys who still ask girls on dates, and I'm sure they're grateful for the girls that say yes. I'm also grateful to know that the Lord's timing and plan is supernal to anything I, or anyone else, could conjure up for myself. I'm grateful to know that the Lord knows what I need and when I need it. I'm grateful to know that I can trust Him for that. I would just ask that everyone else believe it also. Believe that He will take care of me. You don't have to set me up with your mother's second cousin's step-son and worry that if I don't go out with him I'll never find true happiness. I am happy. And someday I'll experience a new level of happiness. I'm not really worried about it, and you shouldn't be either. I'm trying. Just give it time.

Yours Truly